The harm of sexual desire

“…The Buddha taught monks to visit the cemetery in order to overcome their attachment to the body, to cut off their desire to avoid aging, sickness, and death, and to correct sexual desire that views the body as beautiful. Upon seeing the condition of a corpse, sexual desire will not arise.

During the time of the Buddha there was a monk who struggled with sexual desire. It so happened that a prostitute, famed for her stunning beauty, died, and so the Buddha sent this monk to contemplate her dead body.

While contemplating her corpse, the mind of this monk was able to gain enlightenment, wiping out his sexual desire. From that point on whenever he saw a beautiful female figure or face, he would recall the sight of the prostitute’s dead body. In this way he was able to eliminate his sexual desire.

Sexual desire comes from seeing physical bodies as beautiful. If we want to extinguish sexual desire, we have to continuously develop the practice of seeing the loathsomeness and ugly aspects of the body and face so that it leaves a deep impression on the mind. Whenever sexual desire arises, merely recollecting the loathsome aspects will quickly extinguish it.

People practice this way because they see the drawbacks of sexual desire. But those who do not see the harm of sexual desire will not want to look at unattractive images. This depends on the level of mindfulness and wisdom of each individual. Some people will see that the drawbacks of sexual desire outweigh the benefits and will urgently seek out methods to overcome sexual desire and eliminate it completely.

For without sexual desire, we will be able to stay alone in seclusion, without needing a partner, free from the burden of taking care of a partner, with no need for bonding. With a partner, there is bound to be love and attachment, wanting them to be good and beautiful and stay loyal to us for a long time. But if things don’t go according to our wishes, sadness and unhappiness arises.

There is a story from the time of Luangpu Mun. A disciple of Luangpu Mun had a wife before he ordained. He became very distraught when he found his wife cheating on him and wanted to kill her and the man she was with. Fortunately, he regained mindfulness and reasoned to himself that killing them would be a worse act than the affair itself. He reflected on the impermanence of life, and how we have nothing that is really for certain.

People’s minds are always changing back and forth. Today our wife may love us, but tomorrow she may not. Today she may stay with us, but tomorrowshe may not. He was thus able to let go and accept the truth that having a spouse is tremendously stressful. Even while living together and very much in love, we still have many problems and worries. We are afraid of what may happen to the people we love. If there is no love, then there will be no quarrels and bickering. If either partner is unfaithful, it will only lead to sorrow and disheartenment.

He thus decided to release his wife to her lover, ordain as a monk, and to live without a spouse. He announced his decision to the people in the village, saying that he had broken up with his wife and relinquished her to the other man. He then left to ordain and eventually went on to study and practise under Phra Ajaan Mun.

He was eventually able to gain enlightenment, becoming an Arahant. If you’re curious, this man was Luangpu Khao whose autobiography was written by Luangta Maha Boowa…”

By Ajaan Suchart Abhijāto