Sharing of a personal journey by a doctor on how
he eventually
found the Dhamma
I come from a typical Chinese family that believed in a mixture
of
Taoism and Buddhism, peppered with lots of superstition.
My late mother was very devotional, chanting every morning
and dutifully
making offerings. She tried to force her brand
of religion down my throat and like any teenager, I rebelled. To me
it was irrelevant
and unscientific and pretty much inconsistent
with
the 20th century.
I studied in a mission school and learnt much about Christianity,
it
appeared to me as modern and Western, all that my inherited
‘religion’
wasn’t; in fact I spent about 10 years of my life
studying the Bible
very seriously. While that led to endless conflicts between my
mother and I, I am grateful to all the
teachers who taught me
much about morality, tempted me with heaven and threatened me
with hell. There were however an ever increasing number of questions
that laid unanswered, and simply allowing faith to overcome all
my doubts proved to be a piece of
paper over fire. It burnt and I
refused to surrender intellectually.
It was so easy as an impressionable teenager to have faith.
It was
so tempting to be told that “ask and it shall be given. .”.
But it
required Intellectual Suicide. And mine simply
refused to die!
Blind faith is indeed strong, so powerful that
it led to the
Inquisition in the 16th century. And in modern times, the
Taliban destroyed the Bamiyan Buddha statues in Afghanistan. But
unquestioning unchallenging faith gave me this clutching unrest
that
something is incomplete and WRONG.
I needed MORE than just Faith. I
needed the Truth.
At an unconscious level I was always searching for the truth either
via
science or philosophy. Medical studies and very hectic
post graduate training
diverted my attention but this
returned when life slowed down.
I was at a shopping complex waiting for my wife (as usual!) when
I strolled
into a bookshop. There I saw Ven Dhammananda’s interpretation
of the Dhammapada, a heavy formidable book which looked
rather impressive sitting wrapped on the shelf. I asked the
staff for
permission to see it which they obliged. I read the first 2
twin
verses and that changed my life.
“Mind is foremost, Mind is Chief……”
This is very different from all the religious books that I
have ever
read, it struck me as truly
unique and it touched the deepest
parts of my
searching mind. I bought the book and read it, and
my walk up the Buddha’s path started that day.
As I studied the Dhamma with the same devotion that I did
with medicine I found a treasure trove ignored by the
majority of
mankind. Here is so much that is empirically
true that anyone
could see, if only he wants to. Here
is the record of a man who perfected himself
and who left his footprints for us
to follow. No rituals, no magic,
no promises but pure
humanity with all its flaws and possibilities are
expounded
on and developed, with man’s potential to achieve the apex
of his mental evolution clearly outlined.
When I subsequently read about the futility of
petitional prayer,
a deep hard rock was removed from my
heart. While “ask and
you shall be given…’ is GREAT advertisement, it
is naive and an
honest look around will show it to be manifestly untrue.
The Buddhasaid (instead) that:
“Long life .., Beauty.., Happiness.., Status .., Rebirth in
heaven is welcome, agreeable, pleasant, & hard to obtain in
the world.
“Now, I tell you, these five things are not to be
obtained by
reason of prayers or wishes. If they were to be obtained by
reason of prayers or wishes, who
here would lack them? It’s
not fitting for the disciple of the noble ones who desires long life
to pray for it or to delight in doing so.
Instead, the disciple of the noble ones who desires long life,
(the
same is repeated for Beauty, Happiness, Status,
Rebirth in heaven).. should
follow the path of practice
leading to long life…… In so doing, he will
attain long life,
either human or divine”.
While this is a remarkably BAD advertisement, it is the obvious
Truth and to me rational, fair and self evidently
true! An
uneasy feeling about a divine deity unfairly dishing
out favours that smacks of nepotism has at last been erased.
It’s a better
fairer world where we get what we deserve! I am so
happy to
learn that issuance of a Heavenly visa is NOT the sole
prerogative
of one creed or faith. What is amazingly reassuring
when we study
the Dhamma is that no man of science need to
bend himself backwards
to fit the Buddha’s teachings, in fact
it is all very scientific and resonant
with the discoveries and theories of modern 21st century science. Going full
circle, I discovered that while imperfect man had created a very
confusing
‘religion’ of rites and rituals they called Buddhism,
the Buddha Dhamma has
remain refreshing, modern and
relevant when one finally sees its message
amidst all the
icing that had accumulated over the centuries.
There is much for the layman and monk. There is much for the
housewife and
the businessman, and even advice for the politician.
Its applicability and
relevance has not waned in 2600 years. Its
truth is self evident. And I did
NOT have these nagging doubts,
these mental gymnastics of creation and
all-destroying floods,
of a creator one moment harsh and warlike and the next
loving
and kind, to reconcile. I found peace.
I finally understood why the G/gods have anger and sought revenge.
I
finally understood why a G/god would make a statement like:
“Vengeance is mine, saith the lord”.
I finally made sense of Epicurus’ famous/infamous riddle:
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not
omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why
call him G/god?
I finally could go to sleep with my dinosaurs and Peking man.
I now am
assured that the Grand Canyon and the Mulu caves
were not made in 7 days, I
am happy that the Ebola virus and
HIV were not ‘created’ by an angry god. I
am so relieved that
I need not eat the scraps that fall off some divine table
to obtain
salvation but that salvation is instead in my hands. I did not have
to hate Bertrand Russel but instead admire his frankness and
insight
when he said ”During the long process of Evolution from
the amoeba to
homo-sapiens, at what stage did the ‘soul’ come in?”
The Buddha Dhamma has made intellectual life for me much
simpler where I was
a mental contortionist before. I did not have
to lie to myself to be a
believer anymore!
When the student is ready, the teacher will come. I found
this so
very true. After I started studying the Dhamma seriously, teachers
and books and notes all started falling
in place. Each helped me to
understand better, to see reality
within and without. I am very grateful for
the renaissance in
Buddhist literature these last few decades.
For now the
Dhamma is easily available to the English educated weak
in Pali.
The internet is also a boon, but one has to sieve
the gems from the
chaff.
And I am grateful to all the teachers, Sangha and lay, who
devotedly shared
the Buddha Dhamma. Trips to India and
Burma helped me see better, friendship
with fellow
Dhammafarers provided much spiritual strength.
The teachings of Cause and Effect, Kamma, helps us all
to make a
better world and society. Whether one believes
in a next life or not, its
benefits are immediate. People
dress for their religion, eat for their
religion, preach for
their religion and some may even kill for their
religion…
but very few actually live the lives advocated by their
religious founders. Religion is in the
life that we live,
not in the
creed that we profess. What we think, or what
we
know, or what we believe, is in the end, of little
consequence. The only consequence is what we actually do.
From my training in medicine, I long knew that the best way
to learn
is to learn from an expert, then practise, and
then share with someone else
who is keen to learn.
And this is what I have been doing.
Associate Professor Dr Wong Yin Onn,
MBBS (Mal), MRCP (UK), AM(M’sia), FRCP (Glasgow)
Internal Medicine, Monash University Malaysia.
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