The Disciple Within -02 內部弟子 雷瓦達尊者

Our Bodhisattva once ridiculed and accused a noble one who was replete in Sīla samādhi and paññā. Due to that akusala kamma, even after His Enlightenment He suffered ridicule and accusations. He had to pay His debts. He could not avoid it. That is why The Buddha said, ``People are born with a chopping knife in the mouth. The fool uses this knife to cut himself up by mouthing badness.'' So said The Buddha after attaining enlightenment.

有一次，我們的菩薩譏笑一位戒定慧圓滿的聖者，由於這項不善業，即使他證悟了，還是要承受別人的譏笑和指責，他必須還他的債，他無法逃避這個債。所以佛陀說：「人一出生，口裡就含著一把利刀。透過用口造惡業，愚者用這把利刀來砍斷自己。」這是佛陀在證悟 後所說的。

How often have you already cut yourselves with your knife? You may have already done too much cutting! The more you have done it, the more debts you will have to repay. Taking on credit just means that some time or another you will have no alternative but to pay back these debts - that is certain. It is just as if you have sworn to pay back in this present life, those debts that you yourself had accumulated in your past lives. The accusations, derisions, insults that we are suffering are the payments of the debts that we have been owing. We bhikkhus are also paying back our own debts. Laymen, laywomen, nuns and everyone else are paying back their own respective debts. When you are paying back your debts don't grimace, don't put on a face. Try to do it with a smile. After all, you took the debt upon yourself, you have to pay it back yourself. If you do it with a scowl, you will have to continue paying debts.

你們是否常常用這把刀來砍自己？可能你們已經砍了自己很多次！你們砍得愈多次，就欠更多的債。放貸意味你們毫無選擇，在未來必須償還這些債務――這是肯定的。這就好像你發誓要在這一世去償還過去世所累積的債。現在我們所承受的指責、嘲笑和侮辱，是我們在償還我們所欠的債。我們比丘也是在還債。男居士、女居士、女出家眾，所有的人都是在還自己的債。當你們還債時，不要皺著眉頭、拉長著臉，試著笑笑地去做，畢竟那是你們自己把債攬上身的，你們必須自己去償還。如果滿面怒容地還償，你們就必須繼續還債。

I don't want to make any more debts; I only want to be free from debt after paying back what I already owe. I am telling you this so that you will also wish to be free from any more kammic debts.
我不要再欠任何債了；我只想還了所有債務，無債一身輕。我告訴你們這些，以便你們會希望能從這些業債中解脫出來。

The inner disciple of defilements is also like a very dreadful and malignant disease. Whenever you catch a disease, you feel miserable. You experience fatigue and weariness both in body and in mind. When defilements such as greed, hatred and delusion take over your mind and body, and you stimulate and fuel them without restraint, without thinking - then you are going to suffer horribly like you suffer from an extremely severe disease. So, you can say that a person with defilements is a diseased person, can't we? . Whenever we see things that we feel are delightful, craving and lust overwhelm us. We get to be tortured by these things. Whenever accusations, blame or malice are directed towards us, our bodies shake and tremble with rage and hatred. Such afflictions are severe. Similarly, as conceit and arrogance arise and we begin to treat each other disdainfully, then how do we feel - cool and peaceful or hot and agitated? We become hot and agitated, of course! It is as if we have been afflicted with a disease. That is why those with defilements can be said to be afflicted with a disease.
內在弟子這個煩惱就像非常可怕又凶猛的病。每當患病時，你都會很悲慘，身心都感覺到疲倦和勞累。當貪瞋癡的煩惱控制身心時，你毫無考慮地、毫無限制地讓它們滋長――後果就是你要承受劇烈的痛苦，就像承受嚴重疾病的苦一般。所以我們是否可以說，有煩惱的人就像是有病的人？每當我們看到喜歡的東西時，渴愛與貪求就控制了我們，我們被這些東西折磨。當別人控訴、指責和厭惡我們時，我們會氣到身體都顫抖。這些是很強烈的痛苦。同樣地，當傲慢與自大生起時，我們就會相互輕蔑，此時我們感覺怎樣呢？冷靜、詳和，或者是熱惱與焦慮不安？當然我們會感覺到熱惱與焦慮不安！就像患病受苦。這是為何說有煩惱的人就像患病受苦。

Diseases of the human physical body may be treated and cured with conventional means and medicines. However, in the case of diseases of the defilements, the only form of cure that exists is to take the treatment and medicine prescribed by Our Buddha. The practice of the three noble trainings is for curing and eradicating the affliction of defilements. Without intensively practicing the development of Sīla samādhi and paññā, one can never be able to get rid of the disease of defilements which is the disciple within.
人類色身的疾病可以藉由世俗的醫療來醫治，但是煩惱的疾病只能用佛陀調配的處方來治療。修行三學是為了醫治和滅除煩惱的病痛。如果沒有密集的修行戒定慧，將無法去除內部弟子這個煩惱的病痛。

Furthermore, the evil defilements called the `disciple within' are very much like a cage. In this world of ours there are prisons, and there are people who are being held captive in prisons. Such captives encounter so much suffering and agony. For them, their freedom has been replaced with confinement. They have no control over themselves. They are being made to obey the orders of others. The chains of defilements are binding them. Drivers that are the defilements are driving them. All those who are in prison cells suffer miserably. That is why defilements are so very much like prisons.
另者，稱為內部弟子的惡煩惱就像籠子一樣。在這個世間裡有監獄，也有被關進監獄的囚犯。這些囚犯要面對很多痛苦、劇烈的痛苦。對他們而言，自由已經被牢房剝奪了，他們不能隨心所欲，他們要服從別人的命令。煩惱的鎖鍊束縛著他們，煩惱駕馭著他們，牢房的囚犯都在承受悲慘的痛苦，所以煩惱就好像監獄一樣。

The arising of desire and craving indicates that one has fallen into the cage of lobha. The person who has landed into such a cage has to perform according to the will of lobha. When lust grows strong the place to touch to fulfill the wishes of lust has to be sought. That is the time when the pangs of hunger occur. That is when one has become a real captive in the cage of lust. What will one do when the place to touch has been located? Will one take on credit and become yet indebted? Existence is so full of perils. It is so insecure. Greed and lust arise. It is falling into the prison of greed. Once one falls into this prison, one is bound to obey the prison warden's orders and to dwell accordingly.
當欲望與渴愛生起時，就表示一個人掉進了貪愛的籠子裡，掉進這個籠子的人就要聽從貪欲的意願來行動。當貪欲變得強烈時，就必須去尋找滿足貪欲的東西。這正是饑渴的痛苦生起的時候，也就是人真正成為貪愛牢籠裡的囚犯的時候。當發現到所追尋的東西後，人們會做什麼？繼續放貸或欠債？生命充滿著危機，毫無安全感。貪與愛欲生起時，就是掉入貪的監牢。當人被關進這個監牢時，他必須服從牢獄長的命令來生活。

Whenever one cannot feel satisfied until one has been able to retaliate or to seek revenge, it can be said that one has been bound up in the coils of hatred. To get angry or to feel hatred is to get oneself bound and held captive. In the jail-house of anger and hatred there can be no freedom. One must simply obey the commands of the jail warden.
當人感覺到不滿足，直到成功報復、報仇時，可以說他是被瞋恨之繩捆住。生氣或瞋恨就像是把自己束縛與囚禁起來。在生氣和瞋恨的牢房裡，一點自由都沒有， 他只能服從牢獄長的命令。

The chains of defilements that have confiscated your freedom do not bind you only in the present life. You have already made debts that you will have to pay in future lives. Each new existence offers you the opportunity to set foot into the prison of defilements. Being imprisoned in the jail of dosa is to be paying back debts as well as taking more on credit. People afflicted with the disease of defilements are those who possess the disciple within. Being afflicted with the disease of defilements can be considered as being in prison. Even convicted criminals can look forward to an eventual date of release. However, for the inmates of the prison of defilements, no release date can be foreseen so long as they are in possession of defilements. The prison of defilements is a dreadfully rigorous place full of misery and wretchedness. That is why the Buddha said, “ With the disciple within which is the master, no one can live in peace, only in suffering.”
煩惱的鎖鍊不只剝奪你今生的自由，在未來世你也得還債。每個新的一生都讓你有機會踏進煩惱的監牢，被關在瞋恨的牢房裡是在償還舊債，同時也是在欠新債。那些承受煩惱病痛的人，就是擁有內部弟子的人。承受煩惱的病痛，就像是被關在牢獄裡。一般的囚犯都可以期待是有被釋放之期，但是如果還擁有這些煩惱的話，煩惱的監牢是沒有被釋放可期。煩惱的監牢是一個可怕的地方，充滿了悲傷、不幸。所以佛陀講：「如果有內部弟子這個師父，沒有人可以活得安寧，只有痛苦。」

Yet another thing - defilements turn us into slaves. Do you want to be master or do you want to be slave? I am sure that you would wish to be the master. You may be trying to be the master, but you are yet a slave. If asked to show those who are slavishly obeying the orders of the defilements, we would have to point at those who have the disciple within them. A person who is not in control of himself and is only submitting to the dictates of defilements is called a slave. If we review our lives on a day-to-day basis, we will see that most of the people are those living under the dictatorship of defilements and, as such, they are just slaves.
此外，煩惱把我們變成奴隸。你要當主人或奴隸？我相信你想成為主人。你可能嘗試要成為主人，但是你還是個奴隸。如果被問到誰是服從煩惱命令的奴隸，我們可以指出就是那些有內部弟子的人。不能控制自己，只能聽從煩惱的人，就被稱為奴隸。如果我們反省每天的生活，我們會看到大部份的人都是生活在煩惱的掌控之下，所以他們只是奴隸。

There must be innumerable cases of those who had been enslaved by defilements through many different forms of existence. To illustrate the point, I shall tell you an account of how one of our yogis came to be enslaved. To be able to discover this you needed to see your past lives. Quite a few of our yogis have been successful in seeing some of their past existences and, I wish to share this account of one of them.
肯定地說，經由種種不同眾生的存在，可以說被煩惱奴役的情況是無以計數的。為了闡示這一點，我將告訴你一個禪修者如何被奴役的例子。 你必須透過觀察你的過去世來瞭解此點。好些禪修者能成功地看到他們的過去世，我想跟你們分享其中一個修行者的遭遇。

He was practicing meditation and had reached the stage of acquiring the Knowledge of Discerning Cause and Condition and, after he happened to see one of his past lives he felt very sad and so he wanted to tell me about it. But he just wrote it down and sent the experience to me. Later, when we met and I began to ask him about it, tears came to his eyes and he appeared to be feeling heart-broken and dejected. I wondered what sort of disciple within, what type of defilement had enslaved and tortured him in a past life? Before I tell you about it, let me read to you the translation of the letter that was sent to me. The note is quite serious and profound. It says: As kamma dictated, with great pain and hardship the cart had to be drawn to the top of the hill to be loaded there with the materials and drawn back down to the foot of the hill. After loading the cart with the things at the top of the hill, the trip down the hill had to be made with great care because the weight of the cart together with the weight of the load had to be borne with immense stress and strain.
當他禪修並達到緣攝受智的階段，他看到他的一段過去世，他非常傷心，他要告訴我這件事。他把他的體會寫下來交給我。後來我們見面時，我問起這件事，他的淚水不斷地湧上雙眼，他感覺到心完全破碎和沮喪。我猜測，他有什麼樣的內部弟子，有什麼樣的煩惱，在他的前生折磨、奴役他？在我沒有告訴你們之前，讓我念出他被翻譯過的禪修報告。這報告非常嚴肅、深奧。
它提到：『由於受到業的支配，極痛苦地把馬車拉到山頂上。裝上物品，然後又拉回到山腳下。在山頂上把東西裝上車之後，拉車下山時要非常的小心，因為車的重量和貨物的重量，必須小心翼翼地，付出極大的張力和拉力來操控。』

Do you know what is going on - what is happening? I will describe what he found out. This is what he saw and felt: He saw that in one of his past lives he had become a horse - a cart horse. But - before that life, he had been a very beautiful woman! She couldn't have been an Oriental. She must have been from the West or from the Middle East. And, she had the disciple within. She was a slave - a slave to the defilement of gambling. She was very keen on horse racing. She used to hold many horse races herself. She was quite wealthy but she was taking on credit and so, accumulating debts - the debts of kamma. Do you know how? She bred horses - race horses. She was breeding horses for racing. She used to be particularly fond of one of her horses. When a horse is running in a race it has to run all out, as fast as it can. When it is running like that, the muscles of a horse tense and stretch with great stress and strain; it gets extremely exhausted from all the exertion. You might be able to imagine how tired a horse can get in such a race. The woman would feel thrilled in watching the movement of the horse's legs and muscles stretching and tensing and, she would be exultant whenever her horse won. She was also very attached to the horse.
你知道發生什麼事？我將要描述他所發現的，以下是他所看到和感受到的：
他看到在其中一個過去世裡，他是一隻拉車的馬，但這世之前，他是一位漂亮的女人。她不會是東方人，可能是西方或中東人，她有內部弟子，她是一個奴隸――她是賭博煩惱的奴隸。她非常喜歡賽馬。她自己也主辦過很多次的賽馬。她非常有錢，但是她累積了很多債――業債。你知道怎樣嗎？她養馬――賽馬。她養馬是為了比賽。她特別寵愛其中一匹馬。當一匹馬比賽時，牠要耗盡所有的力氣，盡能力跑得最快。當牠這樣跑時，牠的肌肉是很緊崩的，用很大的張力和拉力去伸展，牠感覺到耗盡了所有的力氣，感到非常的辛苦。你可以想像馬在比賽時是多麼疲憊。當她看見馬腿肌肉的伸縮與拉緊時，她感到非常刺激。當她的馬贏了比賽，她異常狂喜。而且她非常執著這匹馬。

Although in that life she was quite wealthy, unfortunately, in her dying moments her thoughts were of her horse and, do you know what happened? She was reborn as a horse in her next life! Her kammic debt from having made her favourite horse run races to exhaustion in the previous life had asked for repayment of that debt. So, as a horse, he had to pull a cart up a hill, and then pull the heavily loaded cart back down the hill, again and again and again. It was very strenuous, very exhausting. That was the way the kammic debt had to be paid - with intense suffering, hurt and pain - pain in the hooves and shoulders and all the muscles. There must be many others who are similarly repaying kammic debts with painful horns, painful backs and painful necks and various other horrible ways.
雖然她那一世很有錢，不幸的是在臨死時她想著她的馬，你知道發生什麼事嗎？來世她就變成一匹馬了！她在前世讓她最心愛的馬耗盡力氣賽跑的這項業債來追討她還債。在她當馬時，要拉車到山上，然後裝載很重的物品，再拉回到山腳下，一次又一次地做，非常的費力、非常的勞累。這就是還這項業債的方式――極端的傷害與痛苦，馬蹄、肩膀和全身肌肉都痛。肯定還有許多其他的人以類似的方式還業債，如角痛、背痛、頸痛， 以及種種其他恐怖的方式。

One more thing - to be with the disciple within is like going on a long and difficult journey. When you go on a difficult journey you always feel very weary and spent. When going on such a journey across a desert, there is always the danger of running out of provisions, food and water. It is not at all easy to make it successfully across a sea of sand. Those who manage to make it successfully can be called the ones with good kamma.
另外來說，有內部弟子就像走了一段很漫長、艱苦的旅程。當你走在這艱苦的旅程，你會時常感覺到非常地勞累和耗盡。當你度過沙漠時，始終都會有用盡供應品、食物和水的危險。要成功地度過這個沙海很不容易。 那些能成功度過沙海的人，可以說是擁有善業的人。

In the same way, it is not at all easy to make it successfully across the desert of samsàra. Those with good kamma manage to make it successfully. Those with bad kamma are people who are being manipulated by the defilements, being driven to follow the long, tortuous journey across the endless desert of samsàra. As long as you continue to possess the defilements that are greed, hatred, delusion, likes and dislikes, happiness and sadness, wealth and poverty, pleasure and pain; as long as you will not stop entertaining your senses, you will be prolonging this grueling journey in samsàra. And, the longer you keep these defilements, the disciple and the master within, you are going to be reborn again, and again, and again as if you had planned to remain in samsàra. What happens is that when you get what you want, you feel happy and, when you don't get what you want you feel miserable. When you are wealthy you will feel good, but when you are poor you will feel bad, and so on. Whatever happens, whatever we receive, we are bound to receive the exact opposite as well. So, we can say that we will always be living in a world of misery and suffering. The life with the disciple within is a life being controlled by a master, which means that we need to try to live a life free of this disciple who is the master, and then and only then can we aim for a fully peaceful life.
同樣地，要成功地度過輪迴的沙漠很不容易。那些有善業的人會成功地度過。那些有惡業的人，因為被煩惱所支配，會被驅使繼續走在這漫長無盡、崎嶇不平的輪迴沙漠。只要你繼續擁有貪瞋癡的煩惱、喜歡不喜歡、高興與傷心、富裕與貧窮、快樂與痛苦，只要你不停地去滿足你的感官，你將會延長這個痛苦的輪迴旅途。只要你把內部弟子與內部師父這些煩惱保存得愈久，你就將會不斷地輪迴，就好像你打算繼續留在生死輪迴裡一般。事情是這樣的，當你得到你要的，你會感到很高興；當你得不到時，你就會感到悲慘；當你有錢時，你會感覺到很好；貧窮時，就感覺不好，以此類推。不管發生什麼事，不管碰到什麼事情，我們也都會遭遇與之完全相反的事。所以可以說我們始終活在悲慘、痛苦的世界裡。有內部弟子的生活是受到一個師父所掌控的生活，意思就是說，我們必須儘量地過著沒有內部弟子這個師父的生活，只有這樣，我們才能達到一個完全寧靜的生活。

Do you want to have to keep on accumulating and then repaying your kammic debts over and over again? Do you want to have to keep on traveling along the grueling, tortuous and seemingly endless journey through samsàra? Do you want to live your future lives being held captive in the prison of defilements? Do you want to be afflicted with the ghastly disease contracted from the disciple within? Do you want to be a slave of the disciple within, life after life after life with no freedom in sight forever? If you don't, then you must make sure that you do not take anything more on credit after you finish settling the debts that you have accumulated up to now. Actually, I would like to suggest that you do not go back home to pay the debts. After all, haven't you all come to this monastery to be free from accumulating any more debts? Well, I wish you all to be free from all these debts of kamma.
你是否想要不斷地繼續累積和償還業債？你是否想要繼續走在這漫長無盡、崎嶇不平的輪迴旅程？你是否想要在未來世被囚禁在煩惱的監獄裡過活？你是否想 要從內部弟子那裡感染恐怖的疾病而受盡痛苦？你是否想要成為內部弟子的奴隸，生生世世永遠看不到解脫？
如果你不願意，那你必須確定，當你已經償還了累積至今的債務之後，你將不再欠任何新債。其實，我要建議你們不要回家償還你們的債務。應記得，你們來這個禪林，不就是希望不要再累積更多的債務，而從中解脫出來嗎？我希望你們都能從業債裡解脫出來。

What we all should be really practicing is to eradicate these defilements that are like debts waiting to be repaid; defilements that are like fetters around our ankles; defilements that are holding us in prison cells; defilements that infect us like no other disease on earth; defilements that are the disciple within us who has made us its slave. This disciple within us who is the master holding the reins will never make our existence peaceful or tranquil.
我們真正應當修行的是滅除煩惱，這些煩惱就像等著我們去償還的債務，就像綁住我們的腳的枷鎖，就像囚禁我們的牢獄，就像地球上的絕症感染著我們，就像奴役著我們的內部弟子。這個內部弟子是拉著韁繩的師父，讓我們生活不得寧靜與輕安。

That is why our Buddha said that possessing the disciple within, the master within will only lead to misery and suffering. That is also why the Buddha impressed upon us that if we are concerned with our welfare and what is beneficial for ourselves, we should try not to meet either with unholy joy - the joys of life or, with the miseries of life. If there is joy, there will also be misery. If you encounter happiness, you will not be able to avoid sorrow. You can never have one without the other. Do you know why? It is because of the disciple within!
所以佛陀說，擁有內部弟子、內部師父將會導致悲慘與痛苦。這就是為何佛陀要強調，如果我們關懷自己的福利，關懷有益於我們的事，應該儘量避免去感受生活的快樂（世俗的快樂）或生活的痛苦。有喜樂就會有悲傷。當你有幸福，就無法避免有憂愁。你永遠不會有一個而沒有另外一個，你知道為什麼嗎？因為我們有內部弟子！

That is why the Buddha said:
“The one who has the inner disciple, the inner teacher - he will have to practice with suffering, with pain, with sadness. The one who practices without the disciple or the master within will be able to do so with genuine joy, with satisfaction. He can live in peace, in tranquility.''
所以佛陀說：
「有內部弟子與內部師父的人會修行得痛苦、傷痛與憂愁。沒有內部弟子與師父的人會修行喜樂、滿足， 生活得很寧靜、輕安。」

So, to be able to practise without the disciple or the master within, one should intensely practise the three noble trainings which are sila (morality), samàdhi (concentration), and paññā (wisdom).
That is the only way any of us can ever be able to pay off those kammic debts we have accumulated.
That is the only way any of us can ever be cured of the disease of defilements.
That is the only way we can avoid being imprisoned in the cell called defilements.
That is the only way we can be the master, not the slave - the slave of defilements.
That is the only way we can safely cross the sea of sand, which is the rounds of rebirth without the disciple within.
修行時，如果我們不要有內部弟子與師父，我們必需密集地修行三聖學，即戒（sīla）、定（samādhi）、慧 （paññā）。

這是唯一的道路，讓我們每一個人能還清所積累的債。 這是唯一的道路，讓我們能治療我們煩惱的疾病。
這是唯一的道路，讓我們能避免被囚禁在煩惱的牢房裡。
這是唯一的道路，讓我們能當主人而不當煩惱的奴隸。
這是唯一的道路，讓我們能夠沒有內部弟子，安全地度過生死輪迴的沙漠。

May you all be able to successfully eradicate the disciple and the master within!
希望你們都能成功地滅除內部弟子與師父！

Sàdhu! Sàdhu! Sàdhu!
善哉！善哉！善哉！

Bhikkhu Revata
Pa-Auk Forest Monastery
雷瓦達尊者開示
2007.12.31於帕奧禪林
眾弟子合譯